I Just Wanna Be A Sheep

by Audrey Wauson

I don’ wanna be a Pharisee…
Cuz they’re not fair you see
I just wanna be a sheep, Baa, Baa. (words to a song my boys learned many years ago)

Pharisee: a self-righteous or sanctimonious person

So I met this woman, actually I see her about once a week, and she drives me crazy. I’m not sure I understand why. She’s very personable, quiet, seemingly intelligent. Then she starts talking. Well, the problem is that in our society we always ask, “How are you?” and so she replies, with a soft sigh, “Oh, I’m ok.” So then you have to ask, “Are you sure? You sound kind of tired.” To which she again softly (and admittedly looking to see if you really want to know) “I’m fine, it’s just the MS.” Or “It’s just been a long week.” Anyways, this woman is not ugly, or abrasive, or in your face, but for some reason her answer and her attitude just irks me.

So being the spiritual person that I am, I begin telling God how much she irritates me. It’s like she’s a walking martyr. I feel like she sucks up all the energy in the room by just walking in. And you know, if this was a one-time deal, or a crisis thing,…I don’t know, I just feel like I’d be more patient. The other thing that really bugs me is that she’s always talking about things that God did for her….a long time ago. There’s nothing fresh, just stale ‘ole woe is me stuff. Mind you I’ve never said anything to her because I’m more sensitive than that, I mean she might actually, really be suffering and I’m just a bit dense.

Then the other day Larry and I were out back moving wood chips and dirt, and the wind was blowing a little, and a bunch of it settled in my sinuses. Actually that would’ve been like Monday I think. So, by Tuesday I had a raging headache. By Wednesday I was exhausted from coughing all night. Thursday I was trying all of the garlic and vinegar cures I could think of (which by the way is the day that my youngest son called and suggested I gargle with salt water and drip some salt water down my nose…I wasn’t ready for anyone else’s solution just yet…I started that on Saturday) Friday I was trying to have my regular quiet time and suddenly this woman’s face and demeanor hit me, as did the memory of several phone conversations I’d had over the past several days of my “illness.” People would hear my voice and say in alarm, “Are you alright?” and I’d croak out some woe is me response and try to be interested in what they were saying, when I really just wanted to focus on the pain and suffering that I was enduring…not very well.

Ah, God is so very good. He is always faithful to point out those areas in my life that are less than stellar. (rueful smile) Since then I’ve been reflecting on how little it took to get me to that whiny, woe is me place. This woman has been sick for several years, multiple Dr.s, numerous self-help remedies, to absolutely no avail. I had been sick less than a week and was reduced to a self-centered, focus on me, baby. Gone is the sanctimonious attitude, the Pharisee that longs for everyone to fit into her mold, to conform to her image of what and how a Christian should suffer. Uggghhh! I hate it when I do that (act stuck-up and know-it-all), and He (God) has to do that (get my attention and remind me who is the Judge.) Sheep on the other hand, are not worried so much about what the other sheep are doing. They are happy to be in the group. They are content to be watered, fed, and given a safe place to sleep. I think… “I just wanna be a sheep, baa, baa.”

I was reflecting that the point that I’d like to be at is where, when I’m hurting, ill, suffering, whatever, that I still am grateful that He loved me enough to die for me, that I still am thankful for His love, care, and compassion for me, that I still worship Him. I’m humbled that He will forgive me for being such a Pharisee to one of His daughters, my sister.

Psalm 130
…Lord, if You considered sins, Lord, who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness…I wait for the Lord; I wait, and put my hope in His word…Israel (Audrey) put your hope in the Lord. For there is faithful love with the Lord, and with Him is redemption in abundance… Thank God!

PS. Salt water is very effective. I’m feeling a lot better. Forgiveness is very effective. I’m feeling a lot better.