What Have I Done?

So, we had an argument. I told him how offended I was because he was making light of things that I thought were important. He didn’t get it. Then I was even more offended. How could he NOT get it? Then I was silent. Then he was silent. Then he tried to change the subject. Then I decided I was even more offended. Then we went to bed … not exactly full-on mad … but not reconciled. Then I had a dream.

In my dream I kept running into situations of social injustices that we had become accustomed to, old people who didn’t have anyone to help them out, single moms & dads who just didn’t fit in socially, teenagers boys that had no man who was willing to get involved in their life, social misfits who are marginalized because they don’t “fit”. It wasn’t a scary dream. But there was this person in my dream that kept making all of these situations into a big deal. And I was thinking, this is really not a big deal, I mean it’s not an ideal world what do you expect? And I began to wonder, why am I dreaming this?

Then suddenly, almost, I was wide-awake … I had been holding him to a higher standard than I was holding myself. I realized that I had been doing the same thing to God. I have been kind of flippant and careless in our conversations. Spending our time together asking Him to do things for me, or explain things to me, or just be there for me, but not asking Him what was on His heart. Expecting that He would still talk to me and communicate to me and be happy with me. In my prayers I certainly wasn’t asking Him what it was that He wanted to talk about, or what was on His mind, or asking Him if there was anything that I’d done that might have offended Him. It was all about me.

God, what is it that You want from me? I prayed

Listen to what the Lord says:

“Stand up and plead your case … let[s] hear what you have to say.

Hear … the Lord’s accusation … listen … for the Lord has a case against His people …”

“…what have I done to you? How have I burdened you? Answer Me. I brought you up … and redeemed you from … slavery … I sent [people] to lead you … remember your journey … that you may know the righteous acts of the Lord.”

… Will the I be pleased with thousands of [sacrifices], shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression (No, but God did give His firstborn for my sins) … “

He has show[n] you … what is good. And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:1-8

But how would that work? What would that look like? How would I know that it was something that He wanted done? That would take a lot of faith … faith … “the evidence of things not seen.”

“Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6

The first two-thirds of that chapter talk about the faithful experiencing awesome answers to prayer; amazing miraculous victories. But the last third of the chapter details some faithful people, God honoring people, whose answers to prayer were that God enabled them to remain faithful. “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better …” Hebrews 11:39-40

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:1-3

Hebrews 11 the story of faithful people who suffered because they believe God was who He said He was and because they wanted to obey Him.

“If you love Me, you will obey My commandments” John 14:15, 21, 23-24; 15:12, 17.

How do we know if someone truly loves God? They obey Him! Matthew tells us that Jesus said “Love God, Love others” Matthew 22:37-40

“No one ever cared for me like Jesus. There’s no other friend so kind and true. No one else could take my life and fully change me. …”

Then I remembered my attitude towards him and our argument ( = discussion :-) and remembered that forgiveness is a decision; it’s a choice, and it leads to freedom in Christ.

“But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Matthew 6:15

And the story from Matthew 18: 21-35, basically that God will forgive you THE WAY that you forgive others. And,

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

Just as I needed to reconcile, get right with God, so also I needed to make things right with him. Even if it wasn’t my fault I still needed to forgive, to seek reconciliation. The forgiveness I received from God was so great that I longed to be right with him.

“I’m sorry that I got offended so easily. Will you forgive me?”

“Sure. I guess I didn’t realize how big a deal it was to you.”

“That’s ok. Let’s talk some more.”