Today I turned 50 … nifty 50. It is not something I’m ashamed of. I’m not 29 and holding. Although I enjoyed being 29, I also enjoyed being 30, and 40, and intend to enjoy being 50. I kinda wish my hair would turn gray or white or frosted so that I’d look like I had some wisdom about me. But it’s still my dishwater blonde … highlighted reddish blonde … that’s it’s been for years. I still weigh basically the same 135 – 140 pounds. I still have my ADD tendencies. I still enjoy talking and meeting people. I still love to sing. Basically I’m still me. The me that you know (the good, the bad, the ugly).
If you are reading this you are someone who has helped to shape who I’ve become in some way or another. But there is a me that you don’t know. The me that I was meant to be. The me that I sometimes avoid. This is the me that I hope you will someday see. The me that I hope you will pray for me to be. The me that I need to be.
In the first 50 years of my life I was blessed with abundant blessings: good health, healthy children, a good … great marriage, wonderful friends, opportunities to travel, educational endeavors and achievements, lovely houses to live in, wonderful neighbors, saw many beautiful sunrises and sunsets, heard amazingly glorious music, felt the softness of a baby’s hand, tasted some delicious food, smelled the sweet fragrance of beautiful flowers, through all of which I learned a knowledge of God.
In the first 50 years of my life I was also blessed with many trials: sick children, hospital stays, stressful moves, loneliness, lack of monetary funds, quarrels, roaches & mice, leaking roofs & toilets & sinks, friends who rejected me and friends who died, rebellious children, fights with my spouse, cancer, car accidents, broken appliances, misunderstandings … through all of which I learned more about trusting and believing in God.
When I think back on my life though, it revolved around me; what I wanted, my goals, my plans, my dreams, my desires, my friends, my family, my neighbors … my, my, my.
In this second half of my life I want to learn a healthy fear of God. What will it take? Where do I start? What does the Lord require of me but to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God? How in the world do I do that? Where do I learn to fear Him? God please let me hear from You clearly! Lord, please reveal Yourself to me very clearly … at least in such a way that I do not doubt Your direction … please Lord, use me. Here I am, your servant, … use me.
Also, in this second half of my life my plan, my dream is to pursue what God wants. I want to find out what His goals are, His dreams & desires, who His friends are, who does He call family … I want my thoughts to be about Him and His. What I want now for the next 50 years is to live every day, every moment reflecting Him, doing the things that He wants me to do, the things that He created me to do.
I want to thank you for being my friend, for sharing with me. I pray that God will bless you for every act of kindness that you have shown to me and my family. And that you would feel His blessing upon your life. I truly hope that you enjoyed this day, December 18, 2008, my birthday.
Audrey Wauson
