"You Have Lupus"

by Barbara Chadwick



I was sick. I was feverish and weak. I was shaken. I lay in bed looking at a landscape my sister-in-law had painted. Yucca plants, cactus and desert rise up under an incredibly blue New Mexico sky to meet the Organ mountains. God seemed very close and personal that day. I wanted to just rest in Him but thoughts of everything I had to do kept pressing into my consciousness; there were our four children, my piano students, Sonrisa, the youth choir I led and my job. Oh, and don't forget the housework.

God seemed to say to me, "I created these majestic mountains and I created you. I have sustained this desert and these mountains through thousands of years and I can sustain you through this illness. If you trust me I can take care of you." I Peter 5:7 went through my mind, Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.

"You have lupus." This was not the Doctor's usual approach. He was in his thirties, a big guy, usually smiling and joking with me. Today he was somber. "You will continue to have joint pain, fatigue and probably some life threatening situations in the hospital. We know a lot more about Lupus now than we did ten years ago. I'll give you the name of a specialist. For now take this medicine and go home and rest."

I went home to bed. All of my activities were put on hold. My husband's traveling appointments to visit and encourage missionaries were canceled for a short term. The children jumped in to help with the housework and laundry, and each day I studied the painting. Each piece of cactus was place there by God.

I was confused. Why would God permit me to be sick when everything I did was to serve Him? I taught Sumday School, I was church pianist, I directed a youth choir, I encouraged my husband to be all that he could be in Christ. Yet, this illness seemed like a large piece of cactus in my life.

I learned some things about my spiritual condition at that time:
- I thought I could do everything "for" God. I was very proud of it all.
- I thought "I" was strong. I thought I could handle anything. I didn't call on God's strength.
- I rarely, if ever, stopped long enough to "listen" for God's voice.
- I hadn't read I Peter 5, verses 5b and 6
"God resists the proud. But gives grace to the humble. Therefore, humble
yourselves under the mighty hand of God."
- I was sure my life would continue tripping along into infinity at that hectic, exhilarating pace.

I thank God that I'm in remission now. Along the way I learned some things about living with Lupus. I have to get adequate rest. There are times when I can keep going and times when I have to stop and rest. There are times when I can live with the joint pain and times when I have to have some medication to help. Stress almost surely brings on a "flare-up" so I know it's better to give whatever stress factor it is to God.

Also, I learned that God loves me just as I am. I don't have to prove anything to anybody. I can praise Him for His mercy and grace. I can rest in the assurance that He holds me in the palm of his hand and He gives the strength for each day. I have memorized I Peter 5:7 and take particular delight in verse 10 of that chapter, "May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen."