Opening my mouth

and speaking worthless, foolish words

that were …

looking for APPROVAL

looking for ATTENTION

looking for ACCEPTANCE

… elusively finding it …

… reaching down …

… grabbing a handful of sand

only to watch …

it slip …

… through

… my

h ….

a …

n …

d ..

.

.

.

.

.

This is what the LORD ALMIGHTY says:

The people of Israel are oppressed, and the people of Judah as well.

All their captors hold them fast

Refusing to let them go.

YET … their REDEEMER is Strong;

The LORD ALMIGHTY is His name.

He will vigorously defend their cause

SO THAT … He may bring rest to their land,

But unrest to those who live in Babylon.

Jeremiah 50:33, 34

Once again I’m faced with the challenge, the dilemma …

If I can’t get freedom and walk in victory

Then what am I talking to other people for?

God, I need help and forgiveness

Feelings of inadequacy and rejection

Are giving me a sense of vertigo

Causing me to reach out and grab at & for things that aren’t there

NOT trusting the truth

NOT asking for help

NOT obeying

LOSING insight

& influence

& impact

GOD ... have mercy on me !!!

But this is what the Lord says:

Yes, captives will be taken from warriors,

& plunder retrieved from the fierce;

ì will contend with those who contend with you,

And your children ì will save.

Isaiah 49:25

Therefore instead of grasping & thrashing

i WILL cling to Your hand!

i WILL repeat Your truths!

i WILL encourage myself with Your words!

i WILL listen for Your voice!

i WILL fear You!

i WILL trust You!

i WILL trust in the name of my LORD & rely on my God!

THE HOLY ONE of Israel!

Where Are You?
by Barbara Chadwick



"Where are you?" my 93 year old mother asked.

"We just passed through Boise, Idaho going toward Utah" I replied into my cell phone."

Mother said, "I remember a Women's Missionary Retreat we went to in Boise. We had such a good time. Those years I lived and worked in the Utah Idaho Baptist Convention were such a blessing to me. I was Girls Auxiliary Director for the state convention and Director for the Concern Center in Salt Lake City." She was in her 70's then. "Ministering in God's Name is very fulfilling." We talked further about memories of those days then rang off.

After saying goodby I was reviewing my own memories and the ministry journey God had led us on.

Kenneth had finished the Interim Pastor position at Glacier Valley Baptist Church in Juneau and we were on our way back home to Colorado and waiting for our next assignment.

To know that God has used you to bring someone to Christ or help ease a burden or keep a church going fills your heart with gladness and joy.

A little later I got a call from a friend. "Where are you?" she asked

"About an hour out of Boise, Idaho. We hope to be home tomorrow. How is it going for you?" I asked.

"It's OK. My husband is serving as Interim Pastor and I can't wait 'til he's finished. I don't like it when he does that. It takes him away from home and he stays busy all the time."

After finishing the conversation with her I reflected on our journeys. She had often been unfulfilled and unhappy. While my mother had sometimes been mad or unhappy about a situation she had mostly been fulfilled during her journey and it had been the same for me.

It got me to thinking. Both women had asked, "Where are you?" and yet both had experienced widely different levels of happiness in the degree of involvement in ministry. Would it have made a difference if she had gone with and been involved with her husband? Maybe, but only if she was doing it, "as unto the Lord."

There are blessings stored up in heaven waiting to be claimed. I pray that we will be willing and obedient to do those things God puts in front of us to do, claiming the blessings that come from serving in God's Name.

Just Think of the Cross

“And she said …. Then I said … can you believe it? … I don’t know what’s wrong with her …!?!?!?!” And so my story went on an on describing in storybook detail every nuance of the offense this woman committed against me.

Then I remembered how God had helped me out during her offense and afterwards, so I added a small tag-line to my story to include what He did.

Then it occurred to me … God should be the center of this story … and I tried to make it so, but the offense was so fresh, so real, so …

How can God be the center of my story if my relationship to Him, my encounters with Him are not fresh and real and … ? Why wasn't God be the center of my story?

I just read The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom for the first time in years and realized that the last time I’d read this I a was a young girl … like maybe high school. I’d forgotten so many things and so many things struck me completely differently now that I’m a grown woman. For instance, Corrie was in her early 50’s during most of the book … I’m in my early 50’s. Corrie was a busy woman … I’m a busy woman. Corrie loved the Lord … I love the Lord. Corrie loved her family and did not want to lose them … I love my family and I don’t want to lose them. But I was so challenged by the love that God gave her and her sister Betsie for their persecutors … their captors.

At one point they are in line for a monthly Dr’s inspection. They had to strip naked and walk in single file past a line of male guards who leered and joked about their physical appearance. And suddenly the four months she spent in solitary confinement reading and re-reading the four gospels someone smuggled in to her, brings a scene back to Corrie’s mind and she leans forward and whispers to Betsie, “He was stripped naked too.” And Betsie replies, “Oh, and I never thanked Him for it!”

Long, long ago in a far away place …

Just to think of the cross moves me now

The nails in His hands … His bleeding brow ...

It should've been me!

It should've been me

Instead I am free!

I AM FREE!"

(lyrics from a song we sang when I was a teenager)

Then I was so embarrassed and humbled by my childishness over this petty minor offense that this other woman committed against me. Really?? The only thing I had to endure was to listen to a woman who had obviously been hurt or wounded deeply at one time or another, because she needed to try to humiliate me in order to elevate herself. Was this minor offense worthy of the 10 minute detailed story that I made it into in order to prove how worthy I was? And by the way … am I worthy? The Bible tells me that I’m not but that God loves me anyways and reaches down even though I’m not and embraces me and holds me and gives me what I don’t deserve.

God help me to give to others what You have given to me … help me to reach out and love people even when they don’t love me … help me to give them what they don’t deserve but what you long to give them anyways … forgiveness. God help me to remember that the days are evil and time is short and that my conversations are a tool to draw people’s minds and hearts to You. Help me to chose my words wisely … for they may be my last.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:17

Shine Like Stars
by Barbara Chadwick

I finished my crossword puzzle book. The clue to the last word was, "a shining orb in the sky." I filled in the little boxes with my word "star" and, as always, felt a little disappointed to get to the last page.

Flipping back through it I saw that most pages were neatly filled in. However, a few pages were really messy. These were done with my left hand. Since I'm right-handed these pages look like a child just beginning to write - shaky large letters, no symmetry - messy.

That got me to thinking. What if someone picked up the book to look through it? This probably won't happen but just for the sake of exploring the thought: They might think this person was deranged that day. To continue the thought: What will people observe about the pages of our lives? Philippians 2:15 tells us to live in such a way that our lives will "shine like stars."

We went to the Pioneer Home tonight. Alma Penrose is going through the last pages of her life. The family has been told it won't be long. As we visited, each family member shared memories of her life. They told us of how she played the accordian and sang at the Rescue Mission, how she was always providing meals for people - her hospitality was exceptional, how she was faithful to the church and how she loved people. One told of being in the airport with her and when a woman told her she was afraid of flying, Alma said that she wasn't afraid at all because the Lord, whom she loved, would take her to heaven if the plane crashed and that was a far better place anyway.

The stories contined and we saw that the life of this 101 year old woman did indeed "shine like stars!"

As I hugged Martha Penrose and said goodbye I said, 'You've been such a blessing to my life." Martha has continued the life of service and love that her mother-in-law modeled for her all these years.

Perhaps there were days when the pages of Alma's or Martha's lives were rather left-handedly put together but those are not the pages people remember. People remember how God has used them both to minister and fill in the pages of other lives with love and grace. May it be so with all of us.

Alma is not disappointed to get to her last page. She is joyfully, expectantly waiting to see Jesus.

A Higher Level

I was asked to choose a high school praise band to sing the opener for the Rebecca St James fundraiser concert we had at our school recently. What a buzz it was for our community to have such a big name come to town and what a thrill to get to be the band that opened for her. And I learned something about bands, and practicing, and being ready in season and out. The kids we chose did a great job, but all of the kids who tried out suddenly found out that the level of expectation was way higher than they were even thinking about. Prior to this experience it was “ok” to just meet once a week and practice for an hour; it was “ok” to wear whatever each member wanted to wear and not consider how you would look as a whole; it was “ok” to just focus on your part of the music and not be concerned about engaging the audience. Suddenly all of those things were not only important, but they were going to be judged on how well they did them.

Have you ever felt like suddenly the bar was raised … like right before you’re going to jump over it someone comes along and raises the bar? Right now I’m going through a season where I feel quite a bit out of my depth. I’ve reviewed the major decisions that got me to where I am today and here’s my conclusion:

· I allowed myself to be talked out of doing what I wanted to do

· I talked myself out of doing things I thought would be great

· Why? Because no one else … no one that I wanted to be connected to at the time … was doing it

· Because I wanted to be doing things that my friends and family valued … or things I thought they valued

· Because … I was chasing the praise of men

I find that it’s un-nerving, un-settling, and un-productive to dwell on those mistakes, however, I want to know how to proceed … how do I continue when it’s obvious I’m not very successful on my own?

I was reading in Daniel the other day and noticed a pattern … a habit he established early in life …

“Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before.” Daniel 6:10

I’ve been in a season where everything that I did was fine and now suddenly I’m in a season where everything I do is being judged by a standard that I’ve not been practicing. Not just in my skills musically but in my walk spiritually.

You see, I’ve had a morning quiet time for years. For years I’ve practiced getting away to focus on a particular spiritual issue. But I’m discovering what it feels like to be in way over my head at my job, and as I speak to women in the jail, and as I minister to friends and neighbors, I’m discovering that spending time with God once a day is simply not sufficient for the amount of conundrums, puzzlements, challenges, riddles that pop up over the course of the day. There’s simply way too much that I don’t know … and can never know. And if I want to exercise wisdom … if I want to make right and just decisions … then I’m going to HAVE to spend more time talking to Him regarding what He wants me to do and how He wants me to get it done. The bar has been raised and I need to get over it in order to be effective in my home, with my family & friends, in my job, and in my community.

God knew that the new nation of Israel was going to need His direction and guidance so He told them … and me … “Hear, O ‘Audrey’: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up …” Deuteronomy 6:4-25

The disciples knew that life would never be the same and after Jesus ascends into heaven the disciples “… returned to Jerusalem … they all joined together constantly in prayer …” Acts 1: 12-14

You and I are not going to be any different. With worldwide disasters like Japan’s Tsunami, with national embarrassments like our national debt, with church dysfunctions like church splits and leadership failures, with our families becoming more and more distant and torn … if we want to be effective believers in the coming days, months, years, we are going to have to be seeking God first and often. I pray God will encourage you and help you to “seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness!”

Forgiveness
by Barbara Chadwick



"I have done so many wrong things. I have hurt so many people, God will never forgive me."

I put my arm around his frail, bony, 96 year old shoulders and said, "God is a God of grace and love." He began to cry, shoulders heaving. I continued, "God invites us to bring our sins and our regrets to Him and lay them at the foot of the cross."

We were sitting on the side of the bed where his 93 year old wife lay terminally ill. I said, "Let's pray." He nodded his head and put his hand on my knee.

I began, "Heavenly Father, You are a God of love and compassion. You have loved us with an everlasting love. You have invited us to come before your throne and lay our burdens at Your feet. I lift up John* to You. His heart is heavy. Even though he put his faith and trust in You at an early age, he has done things that make his heart heavy. Things he knows You would not be pleased with. He is bringing these things to You. Your Word tells us in I John 1:9, If we confess our sins that You are faithful and just and will forgive is our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I ask You, Heavenly Father, to reach down and take him in your loving arms. He needs You. Administer Your grace in this moment and fill his heart with the peace that only You can give. Thank You, Lord, for this love and this grace. I pray in Jesus Name. "

He sighed, squeezed my knee, wiped his eyes and said, "thank you." I asked him if he could sit in the recliner now and take a little nap. He said, "I think so." and moved to the chair at that pace that marks 96 years.

As he nodded off to sleep with the weight lifted from his shoulders, I got to thinking.

Basically he knew all the things I said. He's been a deacon for over 50 years. (How many sermons would he have heard in that time? Just one each week would be 2,600.) He reads the Bible and a devotional every day. So it's not that he didn't know about God's grace and forgiveness.

But sometimes we need for our friends and family to come alongside us to remind us of God's Word; to encourage us to walk in the light of Christ and not, cover up our iniquity but to confess it to the Lord and He will forgive the guilt of our sin. Psalms 32:5

*Not his real name.

Tell Me A Story

In our family we tell stories on each other at our birthday celebrations. We usually either get to pick out what the menu will be for that day or choose the restaurant we will all go to for our birthday bash. It’s been a lot of fun and there’s some favorite stories that we tell on each other. Like when one son ate the only two daffodils to bloom that year, or when another son had an imaginary friend, etc.

We like our stories and my guess is so do you. How do you know if you’re telling a story? Well, have you told it more than once? Can you tell it … or most of it … with very little prompting?

I went to training for a mission trip to Belize where we will be sharing God’s stories using a Chronological Bible Story Cloth. You see most of the world doesn’t read, even if they did have access to a Bible in their own language. So how do we share the words of Christ? How do we tell them of God’s great love for them? We do it the way Jesus did … we tell them stories.

Stories are easy to remember and they evoke emotions that help our memories retain the information. Stories make it easy to place yourself in the moment where the action is. We here in America LOVE stories, hence Hollywood and TV’s ability to make so much money! We will pay regularly to get a dose of a good story.

The Bible is the greatest story ever told. You have introduction to the setting of the story, there is rising action, climax, and falling action, and then there is resolution or catastrophe. And then notice that there are many sub-stories within the overall big story. Your story also has an introduction, rising action, climax, and falling action, … and yet to be told the resolution or catastrophe.

We tend to tell stories to one another to share our lives and what we find important, or funny, or interesting, or ??? But at this training I went off in my own little world for a minute and got to thinking about what kinds of things that I share with other people. And realized that much of what I share doesn’t really edify them, nor does it edify me. All too often it is told to either make me look good (pride) or to gain sympathy (again pride) … it’s all about me. Which got me to wondering how could I reframe my stories so that they were all about Him? Could I make it a point to make Him the hero of all my stories? To put the focus on Him? So that when my children and my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren think about their interactions with me they can’t help but think about Him … ? Could I become a great storyteller?

Another thought that came to me while I was at the training was … How many stories do I know? How many of us know enough of the Bible that we could tell 20 – 30 – 40 Bible stories and remember the point of the story? How many of us could see the Scarlet Thread that is woven through all the stories of the Bible? …The red thread of sacrifice and love that reaches its climax at the death of Christ and will be finally resolved victoriously at His return? Oh that we would become a story-telling people … telling THE story that could change every life we encounter! God make it so … Amen!